I said goodbye to my faithful, reliable, antique cell phone last weekend.
It’s apparently an antique because it’s four years old. It was a hand-me-down from Mrs. C who upgraded a while ago.
I loved that old phone. None of that data plan/wi-fi stuff with this baby, no sir. By current standards, this was your basic no-frills telephone. Period. But it did have some very special features which I appreciated.
It was a survivor. After two cycles through the washing machine, most of the buttons still worked most of the time.
It was a smart phone in its own way. It would instinctively turn itself off with no warning, so I wouldn’t have to be bothered by those pesky phone calls coming in.
It was sensitive. The ringer and vibrate functions were so faint most of the time, it would rarely interrupt what you were doing at the office to let you know your wife needs you to pick your daughter up from school.
It waited patiently for me at a movie theater lost and found for over a week, until I figured out where I’d lost it. Golly, anybody could have taken it during that time, but for some reason they never did...hmmm....
It went on lots of bike rides with me and would get all sweaty in my pocket. That’s how loyal this phone was.
Yes sir, my antique phone was sort of like an old labrador who sits at your feet by the fireplace every evening.
Clearly we were bonded, so why the switch? Well, you know the story: had to change phone carriers, get us all onto the same plan, blah blah etc etc. Modern progress.
My family took me to the phone store and convinced me it was time to enter the 21st century. They showed me what an iPhone could do and I have to admit, they’re pretty versatile little machines. There are these buttons on the screen that aren’t really buttons at all, and they open up entire new worlds on the display. Email, calendar, camera, weather, maps, internet, youtube....then they’d drag an entirely new screen into view. More buttons! Games of all kinds, like the one they like called “Angry Birds.”
Long story short, I’m now sporting a shiny new iphone, looking hip and groovy like everybody else. My family and co-workers are now giving me crash courses on “apps” I can download to make my life better. Now, I’m supposed to talk to my phone and it will do an internet search for me; there’s an app for that. If I need daily inspiration there’s an app for that. I’m not supposed to actually look for coffee shops...theres an app for that. Movie tonight? There’s an app. Oh, you meant a movie at home? Redbox has an app for that. There are even apps to help manage your apps. Who knew I needed one of those. I’m told there’s an app for everything, to make my life better.
I’ve accepted my new situation, and I’m done grieving the separation with my antique cell phone. But change takes its toll on a person. I’m sort of dizzy from all the screens and buttons and apps that are syncing up my life. My brain is full and it can’t take any more input right now.
It’s all so tiring.
Thankfully, there’s a nap for that.