Thursday, April 1, 2010

A Quick Way To Gain Weight--Without Even Eating!

Yesterday I gained 8 pounds in just 5 seconds. And I’m not even kidding. You’re dying to know my amazing weight-gaining secret, aren’t you?

The day started off so well. I stepped onto the scale today and was immediately congratulated with a number that's lower than I've seen for over ten years! Well, I suppose I have seen that number whiz right by as the dial went screaming toward a much higher number. But I’ve been losing weight gradually and it’s beginning to feel pretty good. There was every reason to have been satisfied with that, and just step away from the scale and into the shower. But no-o-o. That's when I made a most regrettable move.

You see, a new bathroom scale showed up in our home yesterday. Buying a new one sounded like a pretty good idea at the time...turns out, I hate this new scale. Hate it. It’s digital, has a large readout, and worst of all, it’s transparent. Clearly, there are times when transparency is not a virtue and this is one of them.

Imagine my disbelief when the old-scale-to-new-scale discrepancy was eight pounds. That had to have been a mistake, so I stepped off, and back on again. Same number again, right down to the decimal. Oh, and don’t even get me started on that decimal....really? Who thought it would be a good idea to make Kelly eight pounds heavier, right down to the tenth of a pound? Dude. Not even cool.

The old scale looks tired and ready for a rest. It has held up under immense pressure (because it’s had me standing on it), and probably has just felt like it had to fudge a little on the numbers so I would feel better about myself. You have to admire a bathroom scale that would do that for you. I’ll be sad when it leaves our home, but until then... :)

1 comment:

Jessica said...

I loved this post so much that I called my Mom and read it to her! She also found it very amusing. My condolences on the loss of your most beloved bathroom scale.